thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
