Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
