just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it's like iHOP with fire
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
