In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
