WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize