If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
