just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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