You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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