Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
