Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
