Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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