If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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