we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
