I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
