Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
