So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
