It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
