Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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