she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
