Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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