You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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