Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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