Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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