Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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