I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
