woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
