i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
