During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
