yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I love having hate sex.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
