Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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