was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
