Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
