you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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