Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
