does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
