Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
