You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
