you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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