I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Your penis caused this!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
