it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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