ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
