I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
