Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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