So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
