I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
false alarm. still invincible.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
