brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
