We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize