hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
