Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
