i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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