So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
