so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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