my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize