Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
