hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
