census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
