what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
