I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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