Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
