Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
