yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
