Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
