I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
