He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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