Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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