do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
