He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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