is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize