I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
