Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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